the mystery of forbearance.

i suppose you could say that i do and don't struggle with patience.
but patience has always sounded like a diluted word.
endeavoring should be the term.
bearing.
then, it suggests a burden.
in a way, it is also tolerance.
enduring ill-treatment without anger.
this multifaceted thing coined patience has never bugged me so much.

i have a weird ability to permit circumstances to affect me. there is a should-i-be-freaking-out-right-now checklist that everything i encounter must pass through. after the checklist, there is an approximate three minutes of rambling and fast-paced punching demonstrations that occur in my head. all this followed by the reassuring embrace of the Holy Spirit.

God has never ceased to show up and turn the burner down. there is beauty in "let patience have its perfect work." looking at history, it's nothing but a story of God's patience, His loving striving with the heart of mankind. it's a romantic comedy of a wooing Lover.

i guess i'm the beloved.
the impatient beloved.
there, i admitted it.

i'm having one of those days. it's one of those days that after every song you listen to you are inspired.

now, don't mistake these days with those other days that you listen to songs and you get frustrated because you can never write like that, so you go on a neurotic-writing phase hoping that one of the sixty songwriting attempts will turn out decent.

but, no. not one of those days. today, you want to write because someone else proved that it's possible to write how you've always dreamed to write.

white as snow.

i find the process of sanctification humbling, the grip of denial loose, the nature of man wretched, the embrace of forgiveness healing, and the depth of love immeasurable.

the Lord supernaturally intervened today. there was an ache in my head and a pang in my heart from the screaming, jealous Spirit within me. this time, He arose victorious as He raised me from the dead yet again. the gentle hand of mercy tilted my chin to the heavens and i raised my voice and wept. just as i asked, He restored unto me the joy of my salvation.

victory at last.

oh, praise the One who paid my debt
and raised this life up from the dead!

poppa chuck and baby names.

chuck smith is coming down today. that's exciting. i would love to turn to my children when driving them to school and say, "you know kids, i met chuck smith when i went to bible college." woah, mom! that would be nice.

i cannot say that i have not thought about names for my kids. you know, i am a woman with an inherent tendency to have my wedding planned out by the age of seven. of course i would have names for my kids. after experiencing high school, i had already established in my mind that i do not want any daughters. why? girls are stupid. then again, that would automatically rule out the purpose of liking the name madeline [mad-eh-line] and the nickname maddie. okay, Lord... maybe ONE daughter.

this is not a focused blog.
and i have to go to romans class to turn in a project and take my final.

*cue abrupt ending*