songwriteration.

i never really knew what to say when people ask me how many songs i've written. granted, i have written a few that were sufficient enough for people to sing along to, but insufficient for me to have confidence enough put them on a record. what has already been recorded are more like demos to me, no matter how many hours it took to lay multiple tracks down.

let's not even talk about the volumes of moleskin pages of widowed verses. well, i suppose we can talk about them a little bit. i find it frustrating that i can almost never find enough words to finish a song. also, i genuinely stink at writing choruses. i have years of unfinished melodies and undeveloped words that you may never read or hear. there's this pang i get listening to songs i've "finished" writing and cannot help but feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied. and i'm the one who wrote them. to think what other listeners may think... "that.... that's it? no more?"

collectively, all these equal bad songwriter.
i have been trying to swallow this pill, but even doing that is frustrating.

i mean, i like writing songs no matter how much of a lost cause each phrase may end up being. no matter how empty the rest of the page will eventually be. even if no one will ever hear it. even if i find another musician coincidentally get famous with some lyrics or melody similar to mine. perhaps even if i may never sing these words ever again.

i will write.
whether you know it or not.
whether i like it or not.
i will write.