commence next life chapter.

driver's license?
check!

dearly beloved.

You are God. Immutable. Eternal. Righteous. Holy. Gracious. Merciful. Loving. Creator. Sustainer. All-becoming One. Savior. Friend. Father.

My heart grieves. The parting brethren, the wavering followers, the unripe witnesses. Father. There are too many them. My brothers and sisters in Christ are treading on doorsteps they should not. Oh, how I feel like I am losing family members day by day. I know that You wish to sustain their surrender, but where is their surrender to begin with? How can surrender be sustained if surrender never existed? The enemy has been manipulating their surrender. Hands that were once openned are being closed finger by finger, by tolerance of sin by tolerance of sin. The world has been made to look so attractive to them. I see a deceiving compromise, an epidemic of the enemy's foothold.

Dad? Have we fallen so far that we have turned a deafened ear to Your Spirit within us? I can almost hear You pleading within the cages of their ribs, but they do not hear. There are voices out there similar to Yours, made just as inviting as Yours. They may even have little, if any aspect of Truth within them. But these voices are not of You. May we follow the charge of Christ to be ever mindful of every doctrine that could sway us. Better yet, may we be so saturated in Your Word that there will be NO opinion, trend, culturally-accepted concept, or humanistic movement that we could accept apart from You.

Your Word is eternal. Irrefutable. Unalterable. Profitable. Absolute

Your Word is everlasting. It is living and active now just as You are, just as it was when You spoke it. It has never died. It has never slipped into dusty libraries with history books and encyclopedias. It is here now. In my hands. In my heart. On my lips. It is all I need to eat and drink in this life. May I never depart from it. In a world of an adulterated concept of morality and knowledge, Your Word stands true.

Daddy? Please hold me closer. I pray that I may love my wandering brethren. I pray that You make me an equipped and informed witness of You. Not one of eloquent speech and convoluted vocabulary, but one who simply bears the Gospel in its simplicity. One who carries the name of Christ with distinction, humility, and uprightness.

I pray that one day, the song of their heart will be that which is of mine.

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming Love.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Here's my heart, Lord
Come and fill me once again
I am Yours, Lord
Take and use me, here I am

I love You, Daddy.

Your Child,
Faith

insomnia spent alone.

finally, an empty room.
with the brother sleeping-over somewhere, my room is finally my room for tonight.
no snoring, no dreams that involve yelling...
yes, solitude.


*reclines motionless*


now what?

trudge is a funny word.

well, it's been a while. i haven't been writing much on this thing as i would like, but i'd like to blame the fact that i bought a new cardboard-covered moleskin. so. sorry, blogspot. i've been cheating on you.

it's funny how fast time trudges along and how steadily some of us mature. i say that because i will be on-campus next semester. it'll be interesting having to juggle school, my M199 [free labor, really, for the bible college doing various things like landscaping and dishwashing for 8 hours a week], working at jamba juice, leading the youth, and curfews. i know the Lord'll make a way for these to all work out. if certain things need to be set aside for a while, then so be it. i'm just eager to see how it all plays out.

this summer has been seemingly short. before i knew it, here's vbs. oh, AND regen. next month? school [WHAT? already?]. after that? matt's wedding. like i said, time's a fast trudger. i find it amazing how i've been able to keep up. thanks, God. You're really somethin.

now, onward to finishing my study for the gathering tonight.

*cue abrupt ending*

why must you bring up all the mistakes i've made?

the skyline is coming.
it's closer than it's ever been.
but it looks the same.
i just hope you're right.

let's fix these flat tires and this sketchy engine before we drive.
but let's not wait too long.

allow me to hope.



skyline drive.
by mae.

Sometimes I run, but I'm not afraid.
Why must you bring up all the mistakes I've made?
She makes me smile, but you come around.
The wind in her hair reflects the sunset I see.

You make it seem like it was yesterday.
But we've come a long way out of the rain.
Can't seem to figure out what happens after this.
Why can't I?

Why must you say I made a mess out of things?
I won't believe it.
Tonight feels right like I'm dancing on air.
I'll make it right, I'll make it right.
Pull over to the station and fill up on fuel.
And what will I do?

Sometimes I drive or ride with my eyes closed tight
Because if the skyline looks this way
Then I don't want to sleep tonight.
Never giving up, always seeking light,
We must always try, try with all our might.

untitled.

jam-packed-ba day.

1. i was finally able to work with mark to catch up on things and talk about the Lord.
   
2. i was tested and am now a certified team member.
3. in the event of being certified, i received a swirly pin signifying my certification.
4. my first pay check came in the mail.

yeah, yeah. just three points, but man, it was pretty exciting.
God is good.


in other news.



i need an eye appointment.
i need to take my driving test.
i need to drive.

i need to work more.
i need money.
i need to buy a camera.

=

i need to get creative again.

an old friend.

i haven't found sleeplessness until last night. i can barely remember the last time i saw the sun come up and the moon find rest before i did. until last night, i hadn't had an empty room. andrew was at a sleepover, so the room was void of snoring. all i heard was the clicking noise of my blinds against my window and dogs faintly gossiping in the distance. insomnia, an old friend.

what i did last night to pass the time, i'm not sure. i do remember praying. i remember singing in my head. i remember thinking too much that i cried. i had no music to blanket me or inspiration to fuel me. i had nothing. i haven't felt nothing in a long time.

passing hours with different variations of reclining positions, i was complacent. a busy phone, a bored computer, these electronics were worn out. technology could only help for so long. even friends have to rest. even batteries must recharge. and i have to accept the facts.

Lord, it's just me and you now, i said.

with that, my eyes closed their shutters, and i slept.
i dreamed.